Saying goodbye to a friend. My jeans. You may think this sounds crazy but read on.
I reviewed some clothing last summer and I had ordered them in sizes I thought I was because those are the sizes I had been the last time I ordered, but, they didn’t fit. This was right around the time I needed a new pair of jeans and I was so depressed that the jeans wouldn’t even go up over my thighs. Convinced that the sizing must just run small (which it does run a little small but not THAT small) I went to a big box store and grabbed my usual brand in a size 24 (the size I had been wearing before which yes is huge. I had had Nate and needed bigger jeans but before him I was wearing an 18/20, still big but it was the smallest I had been in awhile.) and, they didn’t fit. I went and got…a size 26 and they fit but they were tight and not only that but they had a belly roll hanging over them. I bawled in the dressing room, sweaty and distraught that I had gotten so big. A size 24 was the biggest I had ever been by far and I was able to blame it on having a baby for only so long but I had lost 42 of the 50 pounds I gained in the first few weeks. This was fat. I bought the size 26, wore them unbuttoned and hated it, a few more months went by and then I saw this picture:
This is me and Nate, me at 337 pounds, 3XL dress size and size 26 (almost 28) pant.
Now, I love this picture and I loved it at the time, Nate was adorable and we were having a good time but it was the final straw. I wasn’t going to hide my head in the sand anymore, I was going to lose weight and I was going to do it the right way this time and I was going to feel better about myself. You guys have been reading along on the journey since early November and I have been doing it. Slowly but surely and then there was a day, I don’t remember when but it was probably around January, that I could get the jeans up as long as I was wearing my spanx. Then in February, I could wear them without spanx and without bulge. Over the past several months I have worn them again and again because they are comfortable and it was such an accomplishment for me to get into those jeans. In the past month or so, they have been too big. A little bit is that they have stretched out but most of it is that they are too big because I lost weight. They are almost to the point of needing a belt but I was going to wear them until they fell apart because I’ve been scared of the smaller jeans in my closet. So scared that I haven’t gone anywhere near them. They were jeans that didn’t go over my ass several months ago.
Then, it happened. The bane of fat girls, skinny girls, medium girls…all girls who have a thigh rub problem.
I was fine when my van did this to them:
And later this:
I kept wearing them because dammit they were HARD to get into to and they took work. They taunted me in my closet every day and made me work that much harder because I was going to get into those jeans. And now, I have to say goodbye to a dear friend, my jeans. They were part of my final straw, they were a motivator and they were a reward. Now I’m 34.8 pounds lighter, 29 inches smaller and feeling good.
I had to face the smaller jeans tonight and you know what? They fit. They are a little snug but they fit and I am excited to say goodbye to them soon too!