We are currently out of guest posters for Flab to Fab and since it’s my week that means I could either post nothing or something related. I’ve chosen related, if you would like to be a guest poster then please email me! Smartinez03 [at] live [dot] com.
I’ve been having a really hard time lately with realizing that I’m a 300 pound person. I get it and I know the number and I’ve been working on owning that however, some days, I just want to be at 160 and done with the journey. I stall out, a lot, and get discouraged. I keep working out and I keep eating well and I keep doing it but there are times where in the back of my mind I doubt myself. I’ve already come so far and yet, I’m still not under 300. That is really hard to deal with sometimes and one of the ways I really get ‘put in my place’ so to speak as an obese woman is at the rail trail downtown. Usually I get looks of encouragement or solidarity looks because we are all out getting our sweat on and trying to be healthy but then there are times like tonight (Thursday) where there are people looking at me as if I don’t deserve to be there. My husband did point out that I tend to over read into looks and that is true but there were several times tonight where I did get those looks.
I know that people are going to point and stare, even if I don’t feel like a huge wildabeast, I’m not ‘normal’ sized. Some days when little old ladies are passing me on the trail or young, trim and fit young women run by me, it’s hard. It makes me realize that I am still so big and still have so far to go and that is when it gets hard and that is when I have to tell myself, ‘those people weigh a lot less then you and so naturally they will move faster. Even the little old ladies. One day, you will get there but for now, people are going to pass you.’ I have to remember that even though my legs hurt, one day they won’t. Even though I’m breathing hard and sweating and they aren’t doesn’t mean they are necessarily better. And then I remind myself that even though there are blue haired ladies passing me, there are even more people at home on the couch all day doing nothing. I also take comfort in my youthful looks and big boobs haha.
But, there are days when it’s just not easy to accept my size.