I know this topic has been done to death but, I’m writing about it anyway so neener neener!
As a stay at home mom, I get a lot of comments and I get into a lot of great conversations about staying at home and what a challenge it can be. I think the ideas of what a SAHM is varies greatly, if you know one you more then likely know what a chore it is however, if you don’t know one, aren’t one or aren’t around kids you might just assume that we just sit on our butts and eat bon bons.
I know a few ladies who I think give SAHM moms a bad name. Up until I was a stay at home mom, Chris thought those ladies were lazy women who just didn’t want to work and didn’t do anything because those are the examples he had seen. I too, thought staying at home would be so easy and Nate and I would just play and play and play happily all day. My mom worked a lot and Chris’ Dad worked a lot and so we decided that we wanted our kids to have a parent constantly at the ready.
However, I wasn’t expecting that so many STRANGERS would have an opinion on the matter. When we go to storytime there is a woman that frequently announces to her daughter that they ‘have to go, YOUR mommy works’. As if all of us SAHMs at the library are just going to lesuirly hang out and drink coffee while we avoid chipping our mani and she’s off to the trenches at KMart.
I have beef with two types of woman, they give SAHMs a bad name, the first is the one that I like to call ‘Trailer Park Mom’. I have lived in a trailer so don’t think I’m hatin’ on yours. Also, if you do one or more of these things, I’m not talking about you ma’am, I’m speaking in general terms (before you email me your hate). The stay at home mom who leaves her kids with family or friends every day so that she can run off and do whatever she wants with money she doesn’t have because neither her nor her baby daddy work. Both parents can’t be stay at home parents unless there is money to pay the bills! Friends see them and get the wrong idea of SAHM Land, they start to think every person who stays at home is chain smoking and drinking all day while other people raise thier children. This is not what a SAHM mom is!
The other is, super mom/perfect mom/get all the shit done mom. In my opinoin, she isn’t real and if she is, she isn’t happy.
You go to her house and her house is sparkling, her children are clean and dinner is cooking. She also had time to make a full healthy breakfast and sculpted her children’s healthy bento boxed lunches into their favorite characters from children appropriate television. She goes on and on about how much she loves her children and finds it so rewarding to take care of them all the time. This woman gives us a bad name in a whole other way because some people think that’s how your life should be because you obviously have all the time in the world (thanks Supermom).
In actuality, yes there is time we get to ourselves, be it during naptime or on the toilet or while the kid is sleeping but, most of us are on the job 24/7 because we are SAHM. Chris helps a ton, if he’s home, but a lot of the time he’s working extra and I want him to get a little time to himself and in return there are several mornings a month when he gets up with Nate and lets me sleep in. But, non SAHMs get breaks at work and time off so why shouldn’t a SAHM? Just because we aren’t pulling in a paycheck doesn’t mean we aren’t working. Being a SAHM is just as much a job as yours, and in fact I’m jealous that you get a lot of adult communication.
In actuality, most of us are in our pajamas all day ususally because we weren’t going anywhere so who cares but also because they are comfortable! If you could be in your comfy yoga pants and a worn in tee shirt all day, you would. Contrary to the above, we aren’t all sitting on the couch watching Maury all day while we supervise the children from our couch throne eating chocolates. We are getting drinks, making lunch, playing cars, going to storytime, going to the park, disciplining, kissing booboos and parenting. Plus, we all feel like we have to work much harder then everyone because the majority of people think we are just lazy.
I can’t lie, there are a lot of great things about staying home with Nathaniel or I wouldn’t do it. Such as, getting to be the one that is there for everything he does. Being able to make sure that at least one parent can devote almost all of their time and attention to him. And, being able to wear my yoga pants and tee shirts all day, except when we go somewhere and even then I sometimes wear my ‘good yoga pants’ and pass it off as “I’m going to the gym after”. But, it’s hard and it’s a challenge and there are bad days and there are terrible awful no good days but there are so many great days too.
I just wish people wouldn’t give stay at home moms a bad name!