**this was supposed to post on Monday but I guess I scheduled wrong! Oh well!**
Last week I was walking home from the grocery store with Nater Tot (I’m debating making this his new nickname, his Great Aunt S calls him that and I’ve grown to love it!) and a teenager yelled out the window ‘FAT ASS!!’ and then later that day my SIL called me fat in several different styles. The night before I had watched this video where a news anchor addressed an email from a viewer saying she couldn’t be a good role model because of her size. After all of those happened in a few days I knew it was time to finish this draft.
As an adult I am able recognize that it’s just other peoples insecurities or need to get attention but when I was younger, not so much. I was bullied and it was regular and sometimes very agressive. I have never been small or ‘normal sized’ and I don’t remember ever not being at least chunky. I have been called every single name in the book, fat, fatso, two ton tina, slob, lard ass, on and on and on. It started, probably around 4th or 5th grade. I remember because one summer I was jumping off diving boards and swimming proudly and the next I was in big tee shirts and once I was in the water I wouldn’t get out. I even had my little brother bring me my towel so I could be exposed as little as possible. There were times I was corned by a specific group of boys and all they would do was call me names. Another time a girl mocked me because I wasn’t wearing a bra and she felt I needed one to hold my ‘fat boobs’ (at the time my mom wasn’t allowing me to wear a bra, I was 10). There was one guy that I remember saying something to me, having his group of friends at lunch laugh at me or call out names when I took my tray up or make fun of something I was wearing. He did it every day that he was at school and we went to school together through all of my years. These were kids I had grown up with from kindergarten, they should have known ME and not what was just physical but kids are cruel. I was not given self esteem tools and I did not have any self esteem. I let people tell me who I was instead of telling them. I would come home from school crying and there were many days that I hated going to school and would have done anything I could to avoid it. I would look to my family for comfort and I would be told that I should lose weight because kids are mean. The thing about being made fun of for your weight as a child? It makes you want to eat more because food is what makes you feel comforted and loved when nothing and no one else does. You don’t necessarily have to be overweight to understand that part of it, most of us eat ice cream or chocolate when we have PMS or we crave comfort food when we are sad.
Fat people, are people too. And believe me, we are aware that we are fat. Very, very aware. It’s not a surprise and you aren’t shocking us by calling us fat. What is shocking is that this is acceptable behavior. There are people who are content being fat and they enjoy that lifestyle but that is a very small number. Not all fat people are eating mountains of food, not all fat people are sitting on their couches all day and a lot of us have a lot to offer our relationships. Fat people are just people.
*if you have been a longtime reader then you know of my journey to lose weight but I’m not doing it to be more ‘accepted’ even though as I lose weight that does happen. I’m doing it to make ME happy because I’m unhappy being overweight but not everyone is and we should respect that. There is more to us then the physical.