*quick note to my readers who may be unaware. I have two great Dads in addition to my birth father*
My niece, H, never gets to know her father. My family found out Monday night that my sisters ex husband had been killed in an accident and I think we all shared mixed feelings as much as we shared an undeniable sadness for H. You see, her father wasn’t involved in her life after the divorce and hasn’t been since. Everyone has always hoped that one day he would decide to be her Dad and get to know her and be in her life but now, he never gets the chance to do that.
She will never get to know her father.
She will never get to forgive him for abandoning her.
Or to yell in his face how much he hurt her by leaving.
She will never get to let him know how she feels.
And that isn’t fair. It makes my heart (and that of my family) break for her because I know, in a way, how she’s going to feel.
My birth father and mother split up when I was younger and he left when I was right about H’s age (when her dad left) and I didn’t get to know him but the difference is that now as an adult, we have been emailing each other and attempting to get to know each other. I’ve been able to work on forgiving him, slowly letting him back into my life and I’ve been able to let him know how hurt I was by what happened. She doesn’t ever get to have that and I hate it. This isn’t a time about me, it’s about her and her feelings but this is my blog and it’s a place for me to process feelings. This has let me know, once again*, that I AM doing the right thing getting to know my biological father no matter if everyone in my family supports it or not. I won’t ever have to wonder ‘what if’ and for that I am thankful.
Linking up with Shell today…
*the first was having Nathaniel and realizing that I couldn’t tell him about part of himself because I didn’t know part of myself and wanting him to have what I didn’t.
the second, people DO change.
the third, I love my biological Uncle and his family and my biological Dad loves them too, I don’t want Christmas to be weird
I imagine, your feelings are more raw because you know how she will feel and the things she’ll need to work through. I worry about this with my own children too, because while their dad is not totally uninvolved, it’s enough that they will notice at some point…
Like I said on fb. Prayers to you and yours… this is tough on so many levels.
Single Mom in the South recently posted..Lessons of the Heart
I’m so sorry. That situation is sad on many levels, as you pointed out. And I think you are awesome for getting to know your biological father if that’s what’s right for you.
Ally recently posted..Maybe I’ll Go Back…