personal

I’m going to preface with this is the hardest post I’ve ever written. I feel naked, vulnerable and exposed but I feel it’s important to do. I’m nervous that once this is all out there I may be looked at in a different light or that some of you will judge but I don’t want the scale to have this power over me or the shame I feel of being morbidly obese (OMG that hurt just writing it) to have power over me anymore. I was browsing facebook this morning and found it ironic that my friend Michelle had posted the quote below when I had just written this post last night about the biggest thing I fear. Sharing my weight and showing my less desirable parts.

“Whatever you fear most has no power….it is your fear that has the power.” – Oprah Winfrey

I want to share this because I want people to know if I can do this anyone can do this. If you are struggling let’s do this together! If by writing this and sharing and posting pictures I inspire even ONE person to say ‘that’s enough it’s time to change’ and actually do it then it’s worth it.

What I fear most is someone, anyone finding out what I really weigh and everyone seeing my exposed body. It may sound silly to some of you but I have always been ashamed of my weight, I have never been able to lose weight no matter what I tried so I gave up and gave in to the idea that I was just going to be fat my entire life. Then I saw pictures from August and realized that I needed to make a change. I have never had weight related health problems but how long can it last? P90x has finally FINALLY helped me make changes in my body. It’s the first thing to really show me that I CAN do this. My little brother lost over 150 pounds and at first it made me feel even worse about myself because if he could do it why couldn’t I? I always thought we were big boned and then he lost all that weight and revealed a small frame underneath. I realized that I wasn’t just destined to be obese that there was a smaller more fit person in this body that I had let myself become trapped in. I just needed to find her.

When this scale came in the mail I was excited. I have lost 25″ and went down a size and a half so I was interested to see what I weighed. My entire pregnancy I wouldn’t let them tell me my weight only what I had gained and after only what I had lost so I honestly had no idea. I stepped on the scale and saw a number that blew my mind. I do not think that I look like what I weigh and a few people I ’came clean’ to before I posted this agreed however I do weigh it. I know someone who is MUCH larger then me on the outside and we are only about 10 pounds apart on the scale. This makes me believe even more that muscle weighs more then fat. I’m not delusional, I know I’m large and I know that I weigh a lot but I don’t think I look it. Any rambling.

I feel it’s important to show these pictures (although I do regret not having one from 25″ ago because it would be a huge difference!) to take away the power. No one has ever known this stuff about me, I kept it locked up deep in a vault too scared to share and convinced that if someone knew they wouldn’t love me. Weight has equated to a lot of things in my family. The skinniest gets the most attention, the one working out the most gets the most praise and so it’s really become a ‘I’m going to be fat and get fatter and if you still love me then you must really love me’ thing. I told Chris about all of this before I posted this and I felt so vulnerable and couldn’t stop tearing up convinced somehow if he knew how I felt and knew the number on the scale he wouldn’t love me anymore or would not want to sleep with me anymore. It makes me so crazy and irrational!

My current measurements are 43″ (under the bust chest), 45″ and 58″. And those are today after losing 25″. That’s really really hard to admit. So here are some pictures of me. Me in all my 313 pound glory. 313. I really truly believe I do not look like I weigh that. If you are horrified click off, I don’t think my self esteem could take terrible comments. I’m aware that I am overweight, I weigh 313 pounds, obviously I am.

Yube Cube {review & giveaway}

December 25, 2011 6 Comments

If you are looking for storage that is easy to assemble, sustainable and customized then look to Yube Cube. With Yube Cubes you can customize the layout of your cubes, the doors can have pictures on them and you can buy additional shelves and doors. I think I would really like nightstands in our room with pictures in the doors or a wall of yubes in place of our bookshelves with black and whites or night photos of our home cities. The Yube Cube really can say what YOU want!

Something that I really liked about the Yube is that the frames are made from Woodlite which is a non-toxic moldable plastic mixed with Bamboo. As a tree hugging lady I really like when things are environmentally conscience and made with renewable resources.
I was able to review the bathroom cabinet, this retails for $175.00 and comes with 4 Yubes, 1 set of feet, 1 set of 2 polyglass shelves, 2 polyglass doors and 1 set of drawers. The size is 14.2” x 12.2 “ x 58.3”. I chose this of the options I was given because since moving to across the hall we lost our bathroom closet and our vanity is smaller so space has been an issue. My makeup was in the bedroom, towels were shoved wherever and I didn’t even want to look under the sink. But man has that changed!
I found this unit very easy to assemble once I got the hang of the assembly. You just snap the sides into place and then put this little metal things inside to hold the sides together. The handles of the doors and the feet are the most ‘complicated’ thing because they require a screwdriver haha. The only annoying thing for me was the doors come with sticky paper to protect them from scratching in shipment. This is awesome for shipping but they you have to pull it off. If that’s the most annoying thing about assembling a four cube unit then I will buy 12 more! This whole thing took me about an hour to put together. However, I had a 2.5 year old ‘helper’ which slowed me down a bit so unless you have one of those too it will go quicker.

I will recommend this to anyone who asks me about storage or anyone who asks after they take a trip to my bathroom! It really is a wonderful edition to my bathroom and has made storage SO MUCH easier! Visit Yube Cube for your customizable storage needs, they are amazing!
One of you can win a nightstand! Enter in the rafflecopter form below.